06/03. Thu. Loooooooong night.

Ladies, ladies, ladies... Today at the gym there was a guy that looked like that:

Yup, I know.
But, oddly, I couldn't stop laughing because he was graciously dancing like that:

Soon after that, I learned some pretty useful things with the girls.
Life in the south can be pretty interesting.

How to Muffle a Fart

  1. 1
    Sit down immediately. When you first feel the urge to fart, find the softest, cushiest couch and sit your bottom down. If the fart noises ends up being loud, the cushion will do a lot to muffle it.

  2. Step2
    Lean to one side inconspicuously. You only need to lean enough that you have your weight on one butt cheek. Then, scoot yourself so that when you put your other butt cheek down on the couch, the two are slightly spread apart from one another. When your cheeks are spread, the sound that comes out will only be air. Tight butt cheeks makes for a louder, higher sounding fart.

  3. Step3
    Go outside. Sometimes there is literally no soft place to sit. In this case, your best option is to go outside, or travel to a room with extremely high ceilings. Gymnasiums and galleries work great. The openness will muffle your fart so that even someone right next to you may not hear.

  4. Step4
    Surround yourself with a lot of people. This accomplishes two tasks. First, lots of people usually equals a lot of noise to muffle a fart. Also, if there are a lot of people, a fart sound could sound like it is coming from anyone. People may not know it was you.

  5. Step5
    Let the fart come out. Don't hold it back, this could make it squeak on the way out. Don't force your fart to come either. This could also be a disaster.

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